SNURP!!!

I'm one of those people about which you are going to have a strong opinion. You're either going to love me or you're going to hate me, plain and simple. Now that opinion might change daily, but generally you're either GOING to love me or you're GOING to hate me. Okay so there may be days that you're just kinda "ehhh..." about me, but as a general rule, those that love me, do so very deeply. Likewise, those whose passions burn with fury and rage do so at very high temperatures. Why is this important? Well, because it dictates who reads and ultimately enjoys my randomness.

I am who I am and I've never been one to make apologies for that. Love me or hate me but you better make damn sure you feel something, otherwise I'll see to it that you do!
I'm the type of guy who actually tries to lick his elbow eventhough the message board forward clearly states you can not. (By the way, I can not lick my own elbow.)

I'm also the type of guy who often says the first thing that comes to his mind... and the weirder it is, the better. This is the major reason people either love me or hate me. I'm totally random. I'm just as prone to shout "I've got a lime!" in the middle of a library as I am to fall out of my wheelchair in the middle of the Longview Mall and fake a seizure just to get attention. I'm as likely to sit and ponder who invented the little plastic thing on the end of shoestrings as I am to ponder what would happen if a person managed to sneeze and burp at the same time.
That last one has actually been a quandry for some time, actually. I call it the Snurp Principle. A burp/sneeze attempting to exit your body at the same time. Of course, I have also pondered what would happen if a person hiccuped and sneezed at the same time but we're not talking about the sniccup. For the moment at least, we're talking about the SNURP.

Why are we talking about the snurp? Mostly because I finally answered the question that has been bothering me since I was early in my teenage years. What happens when you sneeze and burp at the same time? Well, to find out, the first thing you need to do is eat something like chili. Something guaranteed to make you burp. It also helps if you're a part of a family that has been passing around the flu bug and other "sniffly" germs for weeks now. (Taking notes I hope!)
The next part of this plan may or may not be optional. To be honest, I'm not sure. But it happened to me when I was laying on the floor playing UNO with my son and his mother. Somewhere in the middle of our third and final game (which lasted nearly 2 hours by itself... nothing like a marathon UNO game to really make One's back tired!) I rolled onto my side to kind of stretch my tired back muscles. About that time I got a major tickle in my nose... Ahhhh here it comes! I was going to sneeze! There was no time to stop it!

Oddly, the motion of rolling from my stomach onto my side (and nearly on to my back if I'm being totally accurate) had released some sort of trapped gas bubble up into my esophagus. (And yes, for the record I'm glad the gas was released northward instead of southward!)
So, long story short, the Snurp Principle was solved in a moment of shock and awe! I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my son but I'm reasonably sure KELLY was the most repulsed.
So what happens when you burp and sneeze at the same time? Well, a whole lot really. First, it makes the sneeze actually feel less explosive. Second, it burns the holy dog mess out of your throat... but admittedly that could've just been the chili. But third, and perhaps most importantly, what I have learned is that snurps REAAAAAAAAAAALLY freak black tailless, half-cocker spanials/half (we think) beagles out of a sound sleep quicker than his food bowl being re-filled!

Well I guess I can scratch one random piece of useless knowledge off my "to be acquired" list. Now if I can just solve the SNICCUP PRINCIPLE I'll be set! Think I'll wait a little bit though. I don't think my body can handle another all night UNO party!

Till next time, this blog is brought to you by the gassy letters W, E and H and the still amused by the randomness of the number 2.