Thanks and everything

Hi everybody-

I just wanted to make sure I thanked everyone once again for all the continued prayers for my grandmother, mother and all my family during this time.

Grandma continues to have some difficulty with her general cognition. The lights appear to be on, but the times when no one is home seem to be more and more frequent, I'm sad to say. I love her to death, but I do see this as a very bad sign from a woman who has always been a powerful force in the world. Suddenly a woman well known for her strength seems stubbornly unable to admit the weakness overtaking her on so many levels.

It has to be horribly tough on her. She's been the rock that this family leaned on for probably more years than I've been alive. Now to see her mind slowly fading away.... well, it's not something I find easy to watch.

I've always felt so inadequate up against the tremendous faith and strength and courage she has possessed. But it is impossible to express the feeling of helplessness inside me as I observe her slide into inevitable senility.

Is it Alzheimers or dementia? I can't say that with any certainty of course. I'm not a doctor. I hold no degree in neurology or what have you. What I do know is that the grandma I knew 20 or 25 years ago is all but gone. Now there are mere glimmers. Occasional visits from the sharp mind and deep philosophical faith that so powerfully defined her character.

I do not know what will happen. Well, that's not true. She turns 85 on May 9th. I know what's coming eventually. But it's the between time that scares me. It's also the word "eventually" that scares me. Eventually could be 3 minutes after I post this blog or 10 years from now. Eventually could be some indetermanent time frame long after science discovers a way to make people live well into their triple digit years. But then again, as scary as that unknown is, I know one thing with absolute certainty. Not knowing is, indeed 1000 times better than if God were to curse me with the knowledge of the exact moment he had chosen to call my grandmother home.

I might have inherited some of her strength, but I know without a doubt that burdon is one I could not bear.

God bless everyone who continues to pray for this wonderful saint of a woman. You can't ever know exactly how much your prayers mean to me.

Till next time, this blog is brought to you by the letters W, E and H and by the number 2.